Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Amazing Spiderman

"Respect women." Words to live by if you don't want to get punched in the face by fat Italian Spiderman.

Alright, so we're doing something a little different for this review. Molly went to see "The Amazing Spiderman" without me, so I have no clue what the movie was like... well, other than all of the previews and trailers that gave away the entire story and plot. I'll be relying on her for the details.

But since I can't really review The Amazing Spiderman (actually, I can: It stinks. There was no need for a reboot other than for Universal to hold the property rights of the Spiderman license, so the movie really is nothing but a soulless movie cashgrab to hold a valuable property), I have instead to review something else. I will stay on theme and do a short review of "The Italian Spiderman".

Holy fuck! If you have not seen the Italian Spiderman, watch it. I will provide the links. It blows away any adaptation of Spiderman I have ever seen. Seriously. The Italian Spiderman is a chauvinistic, womanizing fat man who doesn't so much shoot people with webs as he does shoot them in the face with a shotgun. I will provide a couple of links, but it is definitely worth watching.

Molly: (As usual, Molly is sitting next to me as I type this. Because of her age, her portion of the review will be in Q&A form. I will transcribe what we say and format it later.)

Chuckie: So, what did you think of the Amazing Spiderman?
Molly: That most stuff didn't pop out.
Chuckie: Did you see it in 3-D?
Molly: Yes.
Chuckie: Did you wear your glasses during the movie?
Molly: Yeah.
Chuckie: Through the whole thing?
Molly: Well, I took them off a couple of times. During the scary parts. Because one part a guy was turning into a scary monster.
Chuckie: Well, that might explain why things didn't pop out.
Molly: Yeah, but it looked like a monster trying to eat me.

Chuckie: Okay, but anyhow, did you like the movie?
Molly: Yes.

Chuckie: Now, I didn't see it. So can you tell me what happened in it?
Molly: Okay. (A very long pause.)
Chuckie: Um. Now?
Molly: First it started at commercials, like aways.
Chuckie: You mean movie previews?
Molly: Yeah. And, Daddy, I have a question.

Chuckie: Sure, Sweetie.
Molly: Why does the commercial always say "Buy your tickets on Fangdango."?
Chuckie: Well, my guess is that by ordering your tickets online ahead of time, the movie theaters have less of a crowd at the box office and therefore can hire fewer people. Also, the movie companies are happy because it gives preliminary numbers for their movies and the money goes to them even if the people end up not making it.
Molly: I like puppet puppy in the commercial. It's pink.

Chuckie: Okay, back to the movie. What happened after the commercials?
Molly: The movie started to start.

Chuckie: Okay...
Molly: I saw Spiderman and he wanted to hang out with a girl.
Chuckie: Was this before he was Spiderman and had the costume?
Molly: No. It wasn't Spiderman just like then. After his dad died, he started to be Spiderman. But he didn't have the black eye things. The next day he made them.

Chuckie: Okay. So, how did his dad die?
Molly: Since there was like a bad guy who had like... he gave him a soda and he killed his dad and he had a star on him. And that's when he started to become Spiderman. Wait, not his dad. It was his uncle. That's why I got confused. Because his uncle lived with him.
Chuckie: So, wait. The bad guy had a star on him or a scar?
Molly: STAR.
Chuckie: What kind of star?
Molly: I don't know. I can't remember.
Chuckie: What it a yellow star?
Molly: No.
Chuckie: That's good. Daddy would have been really confused if a Holocaust Jew killed Uncle Ben.
Molly: No, it was a Captain America star. Like you make a triangle with two lines like that. It wasn't colored in. But there was a black outline to draw it.

Chuckie: So he gave him a soda then killed him?
Molly: No. His dad. He gave Spiderman the soda. And he killed his grandpa. No dad. No uncle. I keep getting confused.

Chuckie: Okay. Why did he kill him though?
Molly: I don't know. Since's he a bad guy and a car keeper.
Chuckie: Car Keeper?
Molly: Like he steals cars. Like he's a bad guy.

Chuckie: Okay. So, after his uncle dies, then Peter Parker decides to be Spiderman?
Molly: Yes.

Chuckie: What did Spiderman do?
Molly: Saved people's lives. Shoot webs so people couldn't die. Because cars were going to fall and he shooted his web. And do you want to know why that happened? Because his teacher turned into a lizard. A giant lizard. I am not making this stuff up, Daddy.
Chuckie: Really?
Molly: Yeah. He used a kind of liquid. A science liquid. He was a scientist. A bad, bad scientist. Ask Grammy if you don't believe me. Or Mason. Besides, I was there and you weren't.

Chuckie: Okay, fine. So, what was the scientist lizard trying to do?
Molly: Trying to destroy Peter Parker.
Chuckie: Why?
Molly: I don't know. I guess being a lizard messed with his mind. But I think he was secretly bad before he turned into a lizard.

Chuckie: So, you said that Spiderman was trying to hang out with a girl, right?
Molly: Yes.

Chuckie: Who was the girl?
Molly: I don't know. She had blonde hair and a ponytail. I don't know her name though.
Chuckie: Gwen?
Molly: Yeah! How do you know, Daddy?
Chuckie: Daddy used to read a lot of Spiderman comic books.
Molly: Can you give one to me?
Chuckie: I don't have them anymore, but maybe we can get a few for you.
Molly: Yay!

Chuckie: Anyhow, did Gwen find out that Peter Parker was really Spiderman in the movie?
Molly: Yeah.

Chuckie: How did she react?
Molly: She was fine with it. But she was a little bit worried because her dad was a cop and he wanted to kill Spiderman.

Chuckie: Why did her dad want to kill Spiderman?
Molly: I don't know. Maybe because they thought he was being bad sometimes. But the police weren't doing their job and Spiderman was and he was mad. Spiderman shot a guy with web and I laughed because the police should have put handcuffs on him instead.

Chuckie: Okay. Wow. I think you probably got the relationships in the movie right. But what happened in the movie? What was the plot?
Molly: Plot? Can I talk about cots instead?
Chuckie: Uh.
Molly: A cot is something that you sleep on at school. Not your big school, but your little school. For naps when you aren't a schoolager.
Chuckie: Okay. Can we talk about the plot though?
Molly: COT!

Chuckie: Alright, fine. So, what happened to the lizard scientist at the end of the movie?
Molly: He turned back into a human.
Chuckie: How?
IMolly: don't know! There's a crazy liquid. Another science liquid, I guess. He's all about science. Oh, and the cop who tried to kill Spiderman died. He tried to save Spiderman, but he died. And people can change feelings in a movie. Don't ask me why, but they can.

Chuckie: Did the cop find out that Spiderman was Peter Parker?
Molly: Yeah. I think so. Maybe he took his mask off, or maybe he didn't. Maybe he did it when he wasn't on the movie screen and they were showing other stuff.
Chuckie: Well, that would be an important plot point to miss.
Molly: Cot point.

Chuckie: Fine. Anyhow, how would you rate the movie?
Molly: Good. Oh! Wait! Stars! Twenty four stars! "Out of how many?" you say.
Chuckie: Yeah. Out of how many?
Molly: I would've gaven it three. And moons. But nothing else today. Just stars and moons.

Chuckie: Alright. How many moons do you give it?
Molly: Um. Seven.
Chuckie: Out of how many?
Molly: Out of Clown Vercury?
Chuckie: Clown Vercury?
Molly: Clown Vercury.
Chuckie: What is Vercury?
Molly: It's Vercruy.
Chuckie: Clown Vercury?
Molly: Yes, like the planet. Clown Vercury.
Chuckie: Mercury?
Molly: Oh! Yes. Mercury. Out of Clown Mercury.
Chuckie: What the hell is Clown Mercury?
Molly: I just thought of a Clown on Mercury.
Chuckie: So, seven moons out of Clown Mercury?
Molly: Mm-hm.

Chuckie: So, who do you think would like this movie, Pixie?
Molly: Um. I know that Mason will because he likes Spiderman.
Chuckie: Well, he went with you to see it, Sweetie. Did he like it?
Molly: Yeah, I think so. But he doesn't review movies.
Chuckie: Did he seem to like it?
Molly: I think.

Chuckie: Who else would like the movie?
Molly: Grammy and Pappy.

Chuckie: They went too. I meant what kind of people who haven't seen it yet. You know what, never mind, do you think I would like the movie, Sweetie?
Molly: Yes.
Chuckie: Why?
Molly: Since I think you like Spiderman. And boys would usually like it.

Chuckie: But what do you think I would like most about the movie?
Molly: That Spiderman saved a little kid.

Chuckie: Do you think Mommy would like the movie?
Molly: Yeah.
Chuckie: Why?
Molly: Um, I think because you guys like superheroes. Like you like Captain America and Mommy likes Thor. And I thought maybe you guys could do a little mix up with the superheroes you liked.

Chuckie: Fair enough. What do you think Mommy would like most about the movie?
Molly: Um. That if she rented the movie, she could like it in three ways. She could have Spiderman and Thor on the same team. Or she could have Spiderman and Thor fight each other. Or should could have Spiderman have Thor's hammer.
Chuckie: Um. You know if you rent a movie, you can't change the story and plot like that though.
Molly: No. If you have a movie screen like Pop Pop has, you can do whatever you want on the movie. He makes the popcorn though. But Mommy could borrow his movie screen and do whatever she wanted on it.
Chuckie: No. Rented movies don't work like that. We couldn't take our movie of the Little Mermaid and put it on Pop Pop's movie screen and make her go into space.
Molly: Why would anybody want to do that? Make a mermaid go into outer space? That makes no sense.
Chuckie: That's irrelevant. The point is that you can't change it.
Molly: How about if nobody is on your team and nobody noticed. Like if you put it on a movie screen and nobody saw it. Then you wouldn't know what was happening on it and maybe it was like that.
Chuckie: Schrödinger's movie?
Molly: No, like two years ago.
Chuckie: What?
Molly: Like, you could... I nobody is working with you and you said that the movie was in the theaters and you were actually lying and then he said that was two years and they think that and they never saw it, so then, you'd just get away with it. And that's what I'm doing with Mommy's part.
Chuckie: I have no idea what you mean. Do you mean lie about the movie and say something happened, but didn't?
Molly: Yes. And then you could just get away with it.
Chuckie: So Mommy would like the movie if we told her that Spiderman and Thor were in it together?
Molly: Yes.
Chuckie: But then she couldn't ever see it or else she'll know we made it up.
Molly: But let's see if I can get away with that.

Chuckie: Alright. Anything else you'd like to say about the movie, Pixie?
Molly: Even though I gave it Clown Planet Mercury, it still wasn't in the show. So don't think that Clown Planet Mercury will be in it if you see it.

So, that's our review. I haven't seen it, but I can easily guess at the formulaic cash grab that is presented. I'm sure it's mildly entertaining in a popcorn movie kind of way, but probably nothing in the way of depth of "The Italian Spiderman". Molly liked it and remembered the plot a week after seeing it. If anything, I think this shows how simplistic the movie is since usually I have trouble having her remember stuff the day after seeing a movie.

I would give "The Amazing Spiderman" more credit if part way through the movie, they rebooted it and started the origin over again and replaced all of the actors without explanation. However, I didn't see it, so I don't know if that actually happened. So, instead, watch The Italian Spiderman.

Molly gives it twenty four out of three stars and seven moons out of Clown Mercury which is, actually, just a clown on Mercury. I think she also hits a very solid point with her comments on whether or not her mother would like the movie: If you don't see it and instead just pretend stuff that you like is in it, you will probably like the movie a lot better than if you saw it. I think this is probably the most true of a review she has ever written. Except the Clown Mercury part because what the fuck?

And for those interested, here is a link to the first episode of the Italian Spiderman. It is worth watching and you can follow the links through youtube for the rest of the episodes:

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Katy Perry: Part of Me

The Doctor's deadliest foes.

Dear Future Molly,

Part of why I have enjoyed writing these review with you is that I think it will be a fun thing for you to look back upon when you are older. You can see how fun you were as a little kid and hopefully you can see the fun I had with you when you read these reviews when you are older.

That being said, I took you to see Katy Perry: Part of Me today. I took you because Mommy did not want to see it, despite you playing tons of Katy Perry songs on your computer for her. After each song, you would ask her, "Did you know that Katy Perry" did this song? And when Mommy would feign surprise, you would then ask, "So do you want to see the movie now?" Mommy's answer was always no.

As a result, I decided that I would take you to see the movie. I only tell you all of this, Future Molly, because this the standard by which each and all of the Father's Day presents I receive from you from this point on will be judged.

Just thought that you should be aware.



I was not looking forward to the movie, but actually, it wasn't that bad. I'm still not exactly what you would call a Katy Perry fanatic, but the movie was surprisingly entertaining and interesting enough.

Essentially the movie follows Katy Perry around for a yearlong tour and you see some stuff on stage, interspersed with backstage stuff as well as interviews with families and friends of Katy Perry. The end result is a movie that has a somewhat inspirational message for young girls to be themselves. Considering the fact that these messages are few and far between these days, I have to say that I admire it for that.

Basically, it's more than a concert footage film, but less than a real in-depth bio pic. But ultimately, if you're a Katy Perry fan, it's fun. And if you're ambivalent toward her music, but have a kid who is a Katy Perry fan, it's worth taking them to just to see how they enjoy it and to share something with them. Even if it forces you to be unsure of how to react when your five-year old daughter hops out of her seat and points at the screen to sing along, singing out, "I want to see your Peacock-cock-cock!"

Molly: (As, usual Molly is next to me as I type this on the computer. Because of her age, her portion of the review will be in Q&A form. I will transcribe what we say and format it later.)

Chuckie: So, what did you think of the movie "Katy Perry: Part of Me"?
Molly: I liked it.

Chuckie: What did you like about it?
Molly: That she had one of my dance recital songs in it.
Chuckie: "Firework"?
Molly: Uh-huh.

Chuckie: Well, that song was only a small part of the movie. What else did you like about it?
Molly: That it was fun to watch.
Chuckie: What made it fun?
Molly: That she looked like a Dalek.

Chuckie: What do you mean?
Molly: Like remember how her dress made her kind of look like a Dalek. I told you that in the theater, Dad.
Chuckie: I know, I just wanted you to say it here. What did you think about the songs in the movie?
Molly: I liked all of the songs. But "Firework" was my favorite one.

Chuckie: I saw you bopping and dancing and singing along to a bunch of the songs.
Molly: Yeah. Because I liked them.

Chuckie: Yes, it was very strange to see you hop out of your seat and point at the screen and sing "I want to see your Peacock-cock-cock."
Molly: I like that song.
Chuckie: What do you like about it?
Molly: The lyrics.

Chuckie: So, can you tell me what the movie was about?
Molly: Katy Perry.
Chuckie: Well, yes, but what was she doing in it?
Molly: Singing songs and dancing.
Chuckie: True. But it was following her through a yearlong tour. And showing clips from all of the places she sang and some of what happened backstage.
Molly: Okaaaaay. But I just liked the song bits.

Chuckie: Can you tell me a little more about Katy Perry now and who she is?
Molly: She's popular.

Chuckie: That's true. Anything else?
Molly: She's a girl. Or a gal. You can use either of them, Daddy. You use girls when you are saying "boys and girls" and you use gals if you are saying "gals and boys". So they both mean the same thing, it's just how you use them.
Chuckie: Okay. But I knew she was a girl before we went to the movie.
Molly: Or a gal.
Chuckie: Okay. Regardless. I understood that she had a vagina before we saw the movie. What did you learn from the movie about her though?
Molly: Her and her husband broke up. And I didn't even know that she had a husband before that.

Chuckie: There we go. And how did the break up effect her?
Molly: Like special effects?
Chuckie: What? No. Like how did the break up make her feel and what did she do?
Molly: She felt sad and she cried, but she kept performing.

Chuckie: Did you learn anything else about Katy Perry?
Molly: Um, she sang songs when she was a kid.

Chuckie: Okay, fair enough. Did you find that the movie was inspirational?
Molly: What does that mean?
Chuckie: Like that it inspired you to do something or that you could be something.
Molly: For Halloween? Because I want to be Katy Perry for Halloween now.

Chuckie: Not exactly what I meant, but it works. Does that mean you don't want to be Merida anymore?
Molly: Yeah.

Chuckie: So, what would your Katy Perry Halloween costume be like?
Molly: Her having blue hair. A costume that is like one of her dresses, like the one... one of the... like the one... um, the one... not the striped one, the one before that one.
Chuckie: Okay. I don't remember which one that was.
Molly: I don't either, I know that I liked it. That's all that I remember.

Chuckie: Wow. Okay. But speaking of dresses, one of the early songs in the movie had a bunch of costume changes during it. What were you telling me during the movie about it?
Molly: It's a trick.

Chuckie: What do you mean?
Molly: Well, there's like two ways that I think she could do it. Number one that I just thought of, um, well, I thought that she gets in the bag and she takes her clothes off and she paints them black and then she glues them so that they can stick on the inside of the bag. And there's like new clothes in there and she puts them on real quick.

Chuckie: That's one way.
Molly: Number two is that she took her clothes off and she put the new ones on because they were already in the bag.

Chuckie: Okay.
Molly: Oh! Daddy, I have another idea. Number three is that she got into the bag and, um, um, she, um, and she liked, um, used the snapping power like this guy did in a commercial where he snapped his fingers and everything changed.

Chuckie: Well, first of all, I love that you are debunking the quick-change "magic", Pixie.
Molly: Thank you, Daddy. Maybe she should be on Penn and Teller.

Chuckie: Well, I'll tell you the trick behind quick change acts. She wears clothes over top of her other clothes so she just has to take them off real quick and she's already wearing the next outfit underneath of it.
Molly: Oh yeah! But Daddy you can't put that in our review because people will know the trick then.

Chuckie: You are the best, Sweetie. I'll make sure to edit that out.
Molly: Thanks, Daddy.

Chuckie: Alright, so how would you rate the movie?
Molly: Like giving it stars and stuff?

Chuckie: Yeah, however you want to rate it.
Molly: Um. I'd like to give it, um, ten stars.
Chuckie: Out of how many?
Molly: I would have gaven it nine.
Chuckie: So, ten out of nine stars?
Molly: Yeah. Um, moons too.

Chuckie: How many moons would you give it?
Molly: Eleven.
Chuckie: Out of how many?
Molly: Six. Now fireworks.

Chuckie: Alright, how many fireworks do you give the movie?
Molly: (sings) Baby, you're a fiiiiirework! Oh, oh oh! (stops singing) Twelve out of twenty.

Chuckie: Okay.
Molly: Suns, Daddy!
Chuckie: Alright, how many suns do you give it?
Molly: I give it thirty. I would have gaven it forty.
Chuckie: Then why didn't you?
Molly: Just wanted to.
Chuckie: Alright, so out of how many suns?
Molly: Thirty.

Chuckie: So, what kind of people do you think would like this movie?
Molly: Thousands, maybe.

Chuckie: Alright. But why kinds of people will those thousands be?
Molly: Old people and young people. And by older people I mean people older than me and by young people I mean people younger than me.

Chuckie: Fair enough. Do you think that there are people who wouldn't like this movie?
Molly: Yeah. Like maybe Mason. And Lenin. Because Lenin's just a baby and babies don't like older kids stuff.

Chuckie: Do you think Mommy would have liked this movie?
Molly: Yeah.
Chuckie: Even though she didn't want to see it?
Molly: I think maybe she'd like it, since she didn't know what it was going to be about so she was just guessing that she wouldn't like it and maybe she was wrong.

Chuckie: Anything else you'd like to say about the movie, Pixie?
Molly: That it was pretty cool to watch. But it would have been cooler if we could have got to watch it in the massage chairs. The End. That's my review.

So that's our review. While my level of ambivalence toward Katy Perry's music remains roughly the same, I have to admit that the movie wasn't that bad to sit through. Really, it's nice to see a positive empowering message toward young girls in a movie, but it is a shame that this is one of the few places where you see it.

The movie is obviously designed for the Katy Perry fan, but as a father of a Perry fan, I'd have to give the experience two and a half out of five stars, though I probably would have given it another half-star if not for the film making me wonder if I should stop my daughter from asking to see someone's peacock-cock-cock.

Molly loved the movie and gave it ten out of nine stars, eleven out of six moons, twelve out of twenty fireworks and thirty out of thirty suns. She also thinks that Katy Perry's quick-change act is good enough to go on Penn and Teller's Fool Us (it's not), and now knows with little mistaking that Katy Perry has bangs and not fangs.

Sunday, July 1, 2012


Brave's Merida after swimming.

So, with most movies today you get the entire plot laid out in the trailers and other media that comes out. In fact, for the new Spiderman movie, I believe someone has put together a 25 minute movie of all of the clips and bits released in special features that tells the entire story. As much as I hate it, I suppose it works for marketing as despite knowing everything you will see ahead of time, these movies still make hundreds of millions of dollars. As a movie-going audience, we don't like to be surprised because then we might have to think.

However, Pixar's Brave is the antithesis of that. At least for the causal enthusiast who hasn't gone out of his way to look up previews, special features and spoilers. I just knew that it was about a princess who wanted independence and assumed we'd be a rather stereotypical movie along that fare.

So when the actual meat of the plot hit me, I was rather surprised. A little disappointed, but mostly just surprised.

The first twenty minutes of the movie was essentially what was predicted in the trailers and such. Young teenage princess forced to marry, but wants to lead her own life, so she takes a stand and "wins her own hand" through her own "tomboyish" ways, much to the chagrin of her more royalty disciplined mother.

However, then the movie takes a swerve that I didn't really expect as Merida, the princess, finds Deus-ex Machina the Witch who can solve her problem and ends up turning her mother into a bear. So, now remorseful, Merida has to try to undo the spell which can only be undone by a metaphoric mending of broken bonds. Complicating the mother's transformation is the fact that the father's entire lineage revolves around being the fierce bear-killer.

So, what I originally thought was going to be a rather traditional story told in mostly non-magical world with just a Highlands backdrop, instead turned into a mystical story of rather unusual effect. So in that regard, I was a bit disappointed. I didn't like the magical aspect of the story.

However, there are a few things that I really liked. First, it's Pixar. It was beautiful to look at. But what most impressed me is that it was a mother-daughter movie. There aren't a lot of them in animation. Usually, the mother was killed in some horrible fashion early on and you either had struggles against a replacement matriarch figure or a daughter trying to fit in awkwardly with her overly male father figure, hence not having full understanding.

Instead, Merida got along well with her father, but the mother was the source of conflict. In the end, Merida and her mother grew to learn much more about one another and became closer.

I am a little disappointed at how they found the "middle ground" in which they eventually settled in. Merida didn't win her mother's trust or affection until she was willing to give up and be married to a man not of her choice. Only then did the mother concede her daughter her freedom. It's just an awkward message. I suppose it's sort of a Abraham's test, where faith was only proven once willingness to do the extreme was proven. But it just seems a rather harsh means of proving for a mother's understanding.

But anyhow, the movie was good. Just not quite as great as I had expected. I'm glad that I was thrown off by the bear swerve, but regardless, I still think I would have been happier with no magic and just a more standard tale of rebellious daughters with kilts as a backdrop.

Molly: (As usual, Molly is sitting next to me as I type this. Because of her age, her portion of the review will be in Q&A form. I'll ask her a question and transcribe her answers and format it later.)

Chuckie: So, what did you think about the movie "Brave"?
Molly: I liked it.

Chuckie: What did you like about it?
Molly: Well, I didn't like some parts since, like, there was, like, a bad bear and, like, saw a part because I thought it was over and I was covering my eyes, but I looked because I thought it was over but it wasn't. And I did not like more parts.

Chuckie: What other parts didn't you like?
Molly: Um, when the guys were trying to kill Brave's mom and when the mom was trying to kill Brave. And one more part. When, um, Brave uh... I don't know what that cake thing was...

Chuckie: It was a cake.
Molly: Okay then. Um, Brave gave her mom a cake and she said that she made it herself, but she didn't because a witch made it and then she turned into a bear. Well, I kind of liked that part because it was a little funny.

Chuckie: Okay, so to sum it up, you thought that parts of the movie were a little intense and didn't like those parts.
Molly: What does intense mean?
Chuckie: In this sense it means strong, extreme and very evocative in feelings.
Molly: Uhhh... yeah. Or you could say violent. Since, like I saw a violent part.
Chuckie: Alright. Violent works as well. What violent parts are you talking about though?
Molly: Um, when I saw the mean bear parts. He was violent.

Chuckie: Okay, that's fair. Now, you said that you liked it overall though. So what did you like about the movie?
Molly: Um, wait a minute. I remember another bad part. When she yelled at her mom and ripped her dress.

Chuckie: Alright, but you still haven't listed anything you liked about the movie.
Molly: I liked when like the girl and father was laughing.

Chuckie: Anything else?
Molly: I liked when the mom made the picture and that made me remember something that the girl did that I did not like: when the girl ripped the picture.

Chuckie: Alright, so it seems to come down to the fact that you have a lot of feelings about the relationships in the movie. Can you tell me what thought about the relationship between Merida and her father?
Molly: What?
Chuckie: Merida is Brave.
Molly: Oh. The fighted and they got along.

Chuckie: They fought?
Molly: Yeah.
Chuckie: When?
Molly: Remember when they surrounded the bear and he wouldn't listen to her and they fighted.
Chuckie: Oh yeah.
Molly: You didn't remember that?
Chuckie: Well, not exactly. But I guess it does bring up an interesting dynamic of the relationships. As Merida became closer to her mother, she in effect began to oppose her father.
Molly: Huh?

Chuckie: Well, earlier in the film, Merida was her father's daughter. She fought with her mother and had a closer relationship with her father. Merida and her father trusted each other's consul and knew what one another wanted, but her mother was on the outskirts. But then, as Merida became closer to her mother and protected her as a bear, her father was on the outskirts and was the misunderstanding authority figure that opposed them. So Merida never truly reached a balance in her personal relationships with her family, but merely set a pendulum swinging that moved the other direction closer to her mother.
Molly: I still don't get it.

Chuckie: In the beginning, Merida liked her dad better and fought with her mom. At the end, she liked her mom better and fought with her dad.
Molly: Uh, it's so confusing. It's like she's time traveling in different places.
Chuckie: Wait. What?
Molly: Well, it's like she's time traveling in different places, but the movie doesn't let us see.
Chuckie: How is she time traveling?
Molly: Maybe the show didn't let us see.
Chuckie: But, why do you think she's time traveling?
Molly: Because she keeps switching. The dad liked her, then the mom liked her and da da da...
Chuckie: No. I think she just changed her feelings in the movie in a linear time sense. She just changed her mind. I don't think time travel was involved.
Molly: Oh. So it just all happened in their brains?
Chuckie: Uh, yeah. I think. What do you mean?
Molly: I mean they made up their minds on their own.
Chuckie: Yeah. They just changed their opinions because of how people acted.
Molly: Oh.

Chuckie: Alright, so tell me about the relationship between Merida and her mother?
Molly: They were fighting.

Chuckie: Did they make up by the end?
Molly: Yeah.
Chuckie: Why?
Molly: Well, kind of.
Chuckie: What do you mean?
Molly: Well, remember when her mom was a bear and her eyes turned black and she was going to be a bear? That's what I meant by kind of.

Chuckie: Okay, but why did they make up at the end?
Molly: Their feelings.
Chuckie: Okay. Technically, but what changed their feelings?
Molly: They learned that in a family everyone should love each other.

Chuckie: Who was your favorite character in the movie?
Molly: Merida.
Chuckie: What did you like about her?
Molly: Well, I wanted to tell you something. Um, in the commercial she said "when do I get to choose?" and it was a girl who looked like her because she had orange curly hair.
Chuckie: Okay... Uh, but what did you like about her?
Molly: Um, I liked her dress, but not the hood thing. The white hood. I did not like that.
Chuckie: But what did you like about the character and her personality?
Molly: That hood looked like a white plastic bag on her head.
Chuckie: Yes, I suppose so. But what did you like about the character and personality?
Molly: Um, I liked that she could use a bow and arrow. That's kind of like my personality, but I throw darts instead. And when I grow up, I'm going to have the exact same hair. I'm going to dye my hair orange and then I'll put lots of braids in it, then when I take the braids out it will be all curly. Then I'll be just like her. Except I'll throw darts.

Chuckie: That's right. And what did you say you wanted to be for Halloween?
Molly: Merida. And I wish I could dye my hair orange now. Can I?
Chuckie: Let's ask mom on that one.
Molly: Yay!

(Editor's Note: Sorry to put that "no" onto you, Jess.)

Chuckie: Alright, so how would you rate the movie?
Molly: Stars and moons and suns.

Chuckie: Okay, so..
Molly: Wait! Instead of suns, can I do little sprinkles of suns? Oooh! Wait! Instead of suns, can I do fireworks? sings Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Drifting through the wind, trying to start again? I forget the rest.
Chuckie: You can rate it however you like, Pixie. It's your review. What do you want to start with?
Molly: Um, fireworks!

Chuckie: Okay, how many fireworks do you give it?
Molly: Sixty one. "Out of how many" you say.
Chuckie: Yes, I do. Out of how many?
Molly: I would've given it thirty one, but I thought that maybe I should have given it a higher number because I liked it better, then I gave it a higher number.
Chuckie: That's fair. But out of how many?
Molly: Out of thirty one.
Chuckie: Oh. Okay. I misunderstood what you meant by that.
Molly: Now stars.

Chuckie: Okay, how many stars would you give it?
Molly: Um, I cannot decide on which number I want. I'm thinking of sixty-two and seventy-one. I can't decide which one I want to give it.
Chuckie: Yeah, I suppose that is tough.
Molly: I just wish I could make a picture instead.
Chuckie: It's your review.
Molly: Okay. Then I'll make a picture instead of stars.
Chuckie: Sure thing.
Molly: Yay!

Chuckie: Alright, so what kind of people do you think would like this movie?
Molly: Um, I think maybe Edison. Maybe Mason. Grandmom, Pop Pop. Uncle Neil. Grammy and Pappy. Mike. Jo. Isaac. Kat. You. Mommy. And meeeeeeeeeee!
Chuckie: I meant more of demographic-wise. Like kids or older people or boys or girls.
Molly: That is all of that stuff.

Chuckie: Fair point. Alright, so you seemed to think it was a little intense. Do you think that it is too scary for little kids?
Molly: Jut the black bear part.

Chuckie: Fair enough, Sweetie. Is there anything else you'd like to say about the movie?
Molly: I think the movie was teaching you not to be mean to your mom because she might kill you if she was a bear.
Chuckie: Not sure if that was the exact message they were going for, but close enough.

So, that's our review. It contained a bunch of spoilers in it that weren't given away in the previews, so if you didn't want to read spoilers, you probably shouldn't have read the review.

I liked the movie, but ultimately didn't love it like I thought I would. The messages learned were simple and could have been done without the strange bear-magic swerve, but I still find it interesting to see a take on relationships not usually tackled in children's animated films. And ultimately, it is still miles above Cars.

Molly gives it sixty-one out of thirty-one fireworks. And as a youthful, but insistent "fuck you" to the standard industry of movie reviewers, Molly has decided that instead of stars that she would instead give it this interpretive drawing:

So, from left to right: The Mother, the mother as a bear, the father and Merida. Bottom row is Merida's three brothers.

So that should be rather clear on where she ranks this movie.